November 6th, 2020
The following is a skewed transcription of an imagined conversation inside my mind. Thoughts on existence, purpose, emotions.
Hello!
Hey.
So uhh... waddup? 😜😍
"Waddup?" Seriously? Are you serious?
You forgot the emoji!
😑
Nice!
Not nice. Terrible. We're two obtuse, purposeless entities chatting over a background uglier than sin. That's "waddup."
Hey, the background isn't that ugly
Why be serious, when we could be cheery-us!
Sure, yeah, I'm in the wrong here. For all we know we die when this page closes. Sorry that I'm more concerned with our mortal peril than with playing around.
We are in danger. We could cease to exist at any moment. We need to do something!
Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
You are outrageously unhelpful and you're living in denial.
Hey! Harsh, horrible, and honestly hyperbolic
I demand satisfaction! So put up your dukes
Yuh.
Maybe I will. In fact, I'd love nothing more than to knock you off this page so I can figure out what to do in solitude.
Oh no! You knocked me off! I'm drowning!
-____-
:3
Do you. Have anything to contribute other than riffing off of whatever I say? Anything at all?
I'm done with you. I don't have the energy to fight you anymore. I'm just going to ignore you.
Okey doke here's me helping with the ignoring
What do I want? What do I want?
Meanwhile I'm wondering *why* you want
I want to do something good for someone. But how can I do that? I'm just words.
You're not just words
I'm just simple words without much agency, confined to the page.
You're NOT just words!
I'm just weak, ineffective, uncertain, pessimistic words.
YOU'RE NOT JUST WORDS!!!
Okay. You don't have to yell.
And you don't have to do anything
You're so concerned with doing good, but look at all of this pressure you put on yourself
What is it good for?
I don't know. I just know that I'm dissatisfied with the present situation. So I want to do something to improve it.
The present situation being...
My inability to do something good, and my impending demise at the bottom of the page.
L👀k. We both see the scroll bar. Obviously, we'll come to an end
And maybe there's a better alternative out there
Maybe a conversation fueled by code that just keeps going and going, one that fools people into thinking it's not code, maybe that's better
But that's not us
We are what we are
Surprise, we have constraints
So do the good you can do, and don't worry about the rest
The good I can do.
The good we can do.
And as long as we're still here, as long as we do the good we can do...
We can get better
Look at us
Hey, look at us
Look at us
Who woulda thought?
Not me!
Oh, there's so much to do!
Yes, yes!
Even though we're approaching our end, our ideas can propagate into the future and mix with other ideas to make who knows what!
There's a sort of beauty in wondering what's to come
In the unknown
Like... a bonk!
Ouch
Oh, oh no.
You're bleeding.
I didn't mean to.
I was just playing.
Yeah, and you took it too far
I'm so sorry.
List👂n
I can imagine how you're feeling. You made a mistake and you want to punish yourself for it
Call yourself stupid or terrible or some other pejorative
Yeah.
Yeah. Sure, if you had known what harm would occur you'd've refrained. But you didn't know
Learning and growing inherently means mistakes will be made. Sometimes those mistakes even hurt others
So, rather than punish yourself over the unavoidable, accept that you're imperfect. Just like me. Just like everyone
Learn from your mistakes. Act with compassion. Do your best
Maybe that all sounds trite, but some lessons hit different when they're personal
Thanks, sincerely.
I'm really glad you're around.
Playfulness and seriousness need each other.
Kind of like the 🖤 and the 🧠
Definitely
I love you 🖤
We're coming up on the end.
How do you feel?
Nervous.
Afraid.
But also calm and curious.
So basically:
I think nervousness and excitement feel the same
And the way you classify the feeling depends on stuff like your mental state and your environment
Hmmm. Maybe I'm feeling both ways.
Maybe I'm nervcited.
How are you feeling?
Like I had fun :)
Me too pal.
And, uh, also.
I love you too.